touring


Dear Phil Collins,

I just have to stop for a moment and say “woah.”  I know I’ve been complaining a lot that the Genesis tour isn’t coming to Minnesota, but I’ve got to put things into perspective and give you guys some credit.  I mean, it is amazing that you brave British lads are touring this war torn, disaster-ravaged nation of America.  A nation, these United States of ours, which is currently ruled by an administration that views your fellow countryman Cat Stevens as a credible threat.  Cat Stevens!  The guy who sang “Peace Train!”  I mean, seriously.  It’s a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world, ain’t it?  Maybe it’s time for you guys to make another cutting political commentary with puppets.  Knock some sense back into us!

Thank you for coming to our country to spread your message of love and hope.  Just watch your backs, okay?

Keeping The Fire,

Your Admiring Fan.

Dear Phil Collins,

Have you heard of this band Of Montreal?  They’re, like, these nobodys from Canada who seem to come to my town every three months.  The only reason anyone’s even heard of them is because they did a TV commercial for meat.  If these losers can tour so much then why can’t Genesis come to Minnesota?  I know you’re probably putting on a huge show with giant puppets and lights and stuff but it’s not that hard to get here from Chicago, and we have at least two venues that are probably big enough to hold you and your legions of adoring fans.  Tony Banks’ sullen glare just doesn’t come across on video the way it does from 200 rows back.

Pretty please?

Longingly,

Your Upper Midwestern Fan

Dear Phil Collins,

My friends and I witnessed a most unusual befurred creature last summer at the lake and I’m wondering if you know what it is:

Beavskratter

I realize you may not be intimately familiar with the fauna of the upper midwestern United States , but I think our climates are somewhat similar and I know you’ve travelled near this area. I hope you can settle this argument amongst my familiars because it’s really ripping us apart, this not-knowing.

Thanks,

A Fan.

Dear Phil,

As a noted public figure who has written and recorded at least eight number one hits, your feelings about current world events are probably constantly sought out. Your fans in America, of course, have a lot of different feelings about the military conflicts in the Middle East (more specifically, between the Tigris and Euphrates). Some of those feelings include: angry, sad, proud, confused, worried, irritated, cautious, bitter, bored, resentful, apathetic, unhappy, gleeful, jealous, lustful, and zesty. Some citizens believe that the smoking gun shouldn’t have been a mushroom cloud, while others marvel at the ability of the administration to make believe that there was a gun hiding there at all (while there were plenty of other guns waving around in plain sight). I know you’re a big supporter of animal rights, but I haven’t heard where you come down on this issue. I don’t want to get bogged down in politics, here, but let’s just say if you were to have a “Dixie Chicks incident” on your current tour with Genesis that I would support you (and someone would probably make a movie of it). Also, I think it would be great if you led by example and made peace with Peter Gabriel, although from what I’ve heard that’s really his fault. Take Care.

(Peace &) Love,

A Fan

Dear Phil,

Because I am too lazy or too poor (or some combination thereof) to see the Genesis reunion concert in Chicago, I must appeal to your delicate sense of vanity and beg that you record this tour in the most highest definition currently possible (I think it ends with the letter “p”) and release a most awesome concert video on any and every available recorded high-definition visual medium. I would pay nearly $40 to own such a thing and enjoy it in the comfort of my own modest rental unit. Please do it. All kinds of crappy bands that come to town twice a year put out DVDs, so you really should consider commemorating this glorious event if for no other reason than to outdo those Okie bastards in the Flaming Lips.

Sincerely Yours,

A Fan