Dear Phil Collins,
Have you heard of this band Of Montreal? They’re, like, these nobodys from Canada who seem to come to my town every three months. The only reason anyone’s even heard of them is because they did a TV commercial for meat. If these losers can tour so much then why can’t Genesis come to Minnesota? I know you’re probably putting on a huge show with giant puppets and lights and stuff but it’s not that hard to get here from Chicago, and we have at least two venues that are probably big enough to hold you and your legions of adoring fans. Tony Banks’ sullen glare just doesn’t come across on video the way it does from 200 rows back.
Your Upper Midwestern Fan