Dear Phil Collins,

You keeping telling me you’re gonna help me.  You’re gonna help me.  But you don’t.

WHY WON’T YOU WRITE TO ME PHIL????!!!!!???????

Crumbling, but still

Your Fan.


Dear Phil Collins,

I can tell you’re mad.  I’ve been waiting for a new letter from you but your silence speaks volumes, or at least virtual paragraphs.  I’m sorry, Phil.  I know you’re probably exhausted right now since you wrapped your U.S. tour, but I think now is the perfect time to reach out to the many fans who did not have the opportunity to connect with you at a live concert.  Such as myself.

Maybe you didn’t have a chance to read my recent letters, but I suspect that you did, and you didn’t like what you saw, or thought you saw, or heard, or smelled, or maybe thought you smelled.  For that I am sorry. 

Phil, I would do anything to get back on your good side, just let me know what you need.  And if, somehow, in making up with me, that included a signed glossy photograph of yourself, well, that would be okay, too.

But honestly, I understand if it’s too early to start thinking about your next move, you probably want to take the next few months off to enjoy the holidays with whatever family you have left.  I get that.  But when you’re ready to take that next step, I’ll be right here, waiting for you.  Welcoming.  Supportive.  Eager.

In the meantime, I’m going to listen to your song “Misunderstanding” a lot of times, because that’s kind of how I feel right now.

Take care,

Still Your Fan.

Dear Phil Collins,

I hope you had a good weekend.  I am so totally bummed because I found out that you called some girl who didn’t even seem to be that big a fan of yours just because she got dumped by her boyfriend.  What gives?  I know life outside the music has been tough on you, but I don’t see any reason why I should be punished just because I’m in a good relationship.  Maybe I could even help you out with your marital problems!  I do think that good songs come out of bad breakups so maybe you’re just willing to go that far for your art.  I really respect that.  But I wish you would give me a call.  You can even e-mail me or leave a comment here.  I just think we both have so much to say to each other.

I miss you!


Your Totally Awesome #1 Double-Plus Good Fan

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