Whatup Phil,

Sorry I’ve been so quiet, what with the holiday planning, the new baby, and the insatiable hunger for my body that disease seems to have.  I haven’t felt well since October 17, which by my count is at least several days ago.  I tried going to the doctor (about 5 weeks later than I should have) who, unfortunately, turned out to be a bit of a jerk.  He pretty much rolled his eyes and made that “world’s tiniest violin playing” motion with his fingers.  He did give me some antibiotics and some junk to spray up my nose, and I left him with a few pints of blood which, as of yet, he doesn’t appear to have done anything with.  Will I start feeling better in a few days, or will I slowly fade into nothingness?  At the very least I feel like they owe me a freebie if I have to go in for a follow-up.

I’m sorry to be so whiny when there’s war, fires, earthquakes, writer’s strikes, and other important stuff going on, but I’m so completely out of energy that I feel like I’ll be crawling across the finish line (if I ever even make it there).  It’d be nice to, you know, go out and have some fun at least once this month.


Hope you’re doing better than I am!

Hopelessly Yours,



Dear Phil Collins,

I know it’s just science fiction, but I recently watched both “28 >blank< Later” movies and I had this horrible image of you being chased down by infected lunatics.  While those films are set in England and you’re living in Switzerland, are you prepared for this eventuality?  Do you have a survival kit (matches, water, batteries, duct tape, plastic sheeting, twine, moist towelettes, books, games, puzzles, or other activities)?  Do you have an exit strategy, or at least a posh second home in the south of France?  I know there’s all kinds of concern about public health these days what with the bird flu and the dirty bombs and whatnot.  It doesn’t matter where you live, Phil, none of us are safe.

I worry about you.  A lot.

Stay Safe,

Your Fan.

Dear Phil Collins,

Oh, I’m so behind on everything.  Phil, I became dreadfully ill last week and missed work and couldn’t get anything done at home either.  It went a little something like this:

(1) Tossing and turning, notice sore throat I didn’t used to have.

(2) Wake up with head full of mucous, terrible headache, sore throat, fever.  No cough!

(3) Stay home from work, rest.

(4) Wonder where all that blood is coming from.

(5) Clammy, woozy, barely conscious.

(6) Head hurts much, much worse, can’t read or watch daytime TV.

(7) Stomach hurts from all the pain.  Can’t eat.  Ibuprofen not working.

(8) Recieve much-needed care package of medicines.

(9) Can barely choke down dinner.  Hours pass before nausea lifts.

(10) Acetaminophen seems to be helping my head. 

(11) Days pass, not doing much better.  Taking Comtrex, acetaminophen, NyQuil.  Using humidifier to keep air moist.  Herbal tea, juice, water.

(12) Coughing now.  Great. 

(13)  Epicenter seems to have moved from my head to my chest, now using steroid inhaler and Delsym 12-hour cough medicine.

(14) Return to work, even though I can barely speak and my head is so stuffed that my hearing is impaired.  Wondering if I should’ve gone to doctor. 

Has this ever happened to you, Phil?  I believe I have the influenza which there isn’t really anything else you can do for, but I hate being so dysfunctional.  I wish I could get a whole week of bedrest.  Can you talk to some people for me? 

Thanks a million,

Your Bedraggled Fan