Dearest Phil,

I am truly sorry.  I have failed you.  I have failed the American public.  But perhaps most importantly, I have failed my dear parents who have doted on me, lo these many years, with the fondness of a tender gorilla caring for a fragile kitten.  I know that they have paid rapt attention to these missives of mine, going so far as to miss reruns of “Diagnosis Murder” when necessary.  And in the past week, I have only given them silent, deadly silence.  Mom, Dad: please forgive me.  And please forgive Phil Collins, who I’m sure is very busy at this time of year juggling holiday celebrations with multiple families across several nations and can’t be expected to keep me updated on his every move (although I sure wish he would).

At times like this, I must remind us all (especially myself) of how horrible things could be in this country, and how grateful we should feel no matter what our current position in life, at home, or in our jobs, or our status at the country club.  When you think what life must be like in war-torn Micronesia this Christmas, remember what a great man (Bono) once said: “Well, tonight, thank God it’s them instead of you.” 

I think that pretty much sums it up.

Stay tuned, there are more videos to come, and assuming nothing tragic occurs over the holidays, hopefully more letters (at last!) as well.

Happy Holidays,


Dear Phil Collins,

I don’t know what could be a better gift than opening up communications with you personally, this is such a treat.  Sadly, there is still more than a month to go before Christmas and I’d hate to have nothing to look forward to.  Normally I go nuts picking out gifts for my friends and family, but we’re really scaling back this year.  I’d blame the economy but it’s probably all the sweet stuff I’ve bought for myself this year that’s the cause.  Good hi-fi equipment makes listening to Phil Collins so much more pleasurable, though, so I’m sure you can understand where I’m coming from.  In 2007 Phil comes first!

Anyway, my partner and I are looking at getting a new cat, so that’s kind of like our big present for each other.  I fell in love with this furry little guy named Austin.  He was kind of skittish at first but then crawled right into my lap and I was immediately smitten.  He seems about the right age, but he had claws and I don’t think we’re in a position to take a cat with front claws right now, unfortunately.  So I’m super bummed. 

There are so many great cats out there though that I’m sure we’ll find a good one.  Miya seems really nice but she’s been sick recently and we’re not sure if that’s something we can take on right now.  Some of the other declawed cats we’ve found aren’t necessarily good with other cats, which is another problem.  Otter (great name!), for example, hasn’t lived with animals.  Same deal with Lotus

I’m gettin’ all choked up thinking about these homeless cats.  Better sign off for now.  Send me your e-mail address if you want to be able to get my letters quicker.


Your Cat-Lovin’ Fan