Dear Phil Collins,

Oh, I’m so behind on everything.  Phil, I became dreadfully ill last week and missed work and couldn’t get anything done at home either.  It went a little something like this:

(1) Tossing and turning, notice sore throat I didn’t used to have.

(2) Wake up with head full of mucous, terrible headache, sore throat, fever.  No cough!

(3) Stay home from work, rest.

(4) Wonder where all that blood is coming from.

(5) Clammy, woozy, barely conscious.

(6) Head hurts much, much worse, can’t read or watch daytime TV.

(7) Stomach hurts from all the pain.  Can’t eat.  Ibuprofen not working.

(8) Recieve much-needed care package of medicines.

(9) Can barely choke down dinner.  Hours pass before nausea lifts.

(10) Acetaminophen seems to be helping my head. 

(11) Days pass, not doing much better.  Taking Comtrex, acetaminophen, NyQuil.  Using humidifier to keep air moist.  Herbal tea, juice, water.

(12) Coughing now.  Great. 

(13)  Epicenter seems to have moved from my head to my chest, now using steroid inhaler and Delsym 12-hour cough medicine.

(14) Return to work, even though I can barely speak and my head is so stuffed that my hearing is impaired.  Wondering if I should’ve gone to doctor. 

Has this ever happened to you, Phil?  I believe I have the influenza which there isn’t really anything else you can do for, but I hate being so dysfunctional.  I wish I could get a whole week of bedrest.  Can you talk to some people for me? 

Thanks a million,

Your Bedraggled Fan